Intimate Relationships

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What is the interpersonal gap?: The senders intentions differ from the effect on the receiver
How do we get messages to someone else?: Using nonverbal communication:
Facial Expressions
Grazing Behavior
Body Language
Touch
Interpersonal Distance
Para language
What do nonverbal signals tell others?: Provide Information About:
Moods
What people are saying

Regulates interaction
Who gives the best nonverbal signals?: Women
What are some nonverbal sex differences?: Women smile more then men
Lower visual dominance
Women have symmetrical positions
What do facial expressions tell us? And how?: They are the same all over the world
We can easily see sadness, fear, anger
Even those born blind display these expressions
Cultural Norms dictate what emotions are appropriate
What are some ways to modify our expressions?: Intensify - Exaggerate so we appear to be experiencing stronger feelings then we actually do
Minimize - Seem less emotional then we really are
Neutralize - Show no expression whatsoever
Mask - Replace feelings with another set of feelings
Combining verbal and nonverbal signals: You must combine all of the verbal and nonverbal signals in order to get a full picture of what is going on
What is paralanguage?: Not what people say, but how they say it:
Pitch
Rhythm
Loudness
Rate
"Motherese"
How can touch be used as communication?: Touching is more frequent as the relationship progresses
Touch conveys closeness and affection
High-status can touch low-status but not visa versa
Men are more anxious when touched
Men touch more
What about taboo topics?: We may agree not to approach certain topics with our partner
-This can be explicit or implicit
We may ask friends about these topics, but not our partner directly
What are some dysfunctional communication patterns?: "Kitchen Sink" - Multiple Topics At Once
"Off-Beam" - Not on long enough to resolve
"Mind-Reading" - Assume you understand partner
"Interruption" - Negative ways
" Yes-Butting"
"Cross-Complaint" - Similar to yes, but criticism to partner
"Defensiveness followed by "stonewalling"
"Belligerence" - Active denial of other
Interpersonal Distance?: The physical space that separates two people
What is visual dominance ratio?: The percentage of time a speaker gazes at a listener
What is the social exchange theory?: Social life entails the mutual exchange of desirable rewards with others
What are rewards?: Any desirable outcome in an interaction?
What are costs?: Punishing, undesirable outcome in an interaction
What is an outcome?: The net profit of loss from an interaction

Outcome=Rewards-Costs
What is the goal of an outcome?: The best possible outcome
What is CL?: Comparison Level - The value of outcomes that we feel we deserve

Good relationships have a high CL
Bad relationships have a low CL
What is CL alt?: Comparison level alternatives

CL alt is the lowest level of outcome we'll tolerate from our current partner
When would we leave a relationship?: If your CL alt would be positive, you'll leave
When do we stay in a relationship?: Even if you're unhappy, if you would be worse off, if you leave you will stay
The CL alt also describes our dependence on a relationship
If your CL alt would be negative, you'll stay
What are some possible calculations that we make using CL and CL alt?: Alone vs with someone
Investment in the current relationship
Tangible goods - furniture, etc.
Psychological - Love, shared friends, etc.
Self esteem - May underestimate aspects
Access to information
How happy you are in the relationship
The more happy you are, the less you pay attention to alternatives
What are changes in the way we think about relationships?: If CL goes up and the outcomes remain the same, satisfaction goes down
Want more, but get the same
You may find you derive less pleasure than you used to from your partner
Our CL fluctuates along with the outcomes we receive
Socially, we may expect more from our partners than anyone can really give
We expect everything to be perfect instead of pleasant
What do to many costs lead to?: More severe problems like outright hostility
What are some costs and rewards of older relationships?: Costs typically rise as the relationship gets older
Limitations are imposed by the relationship, so a momentary lapse in satisfaction occurs
In relationships that don't work, costs get larger over time, not rewards
Existing problems become more costly once a wedding occurs
What is a momentary playmate?: Friends made during the ages of 3 to 7
Friends defined by proximity
Conflicts end once the other person goes away
No considering others thoughts or will
What is one-way assistance: Friendships made during the ages of 4-9
Give and take arises
Own needs still come first
Guilt does begin to come into play
What is fair weather cooperation?: Friends made during the ages of 6-12
The do-over is introduced
Start of knowing how others see you
Apology carries meaning
Fights that aren't resolves=end of friendship
What is intimate-mutual sharing?: Friendship is collaboration
Friendship is exclusive and possessive
Judge friends and others based on intention and disposition
What happens during autonomous Independence?: Friendship is complex
Rely on friends for support (emotional and psychological)
Need more then one friend
Friendships are dynamic
What are Buhrmester and Furnman's socio-emotional models of friendship?: Juvenile Stage
Preadolescence Stage
Early Adolescent
General information about cliques and crowds?: Stage 1: We start out as same sex cliques, 6th or 7th grade
Stage 2: We move to group level interaction with opposite sex
Stage 3: Most popular in clique imitate groups that contain same and opposite sex individuals in a new clique
Stage 4: Mixed cliques form
Stage 5:Cliques begin to dissolve into groups of couples
Why are support, conflict, and peer pressure important in adolescence?: Support: intimacy leads to improved and supportive friendships that are supportive to both individuals
Conflict: Can also include competition-occurs most frequently with peers in mid-adolescence
Peer Pressure: Peaks at 15, individuals become sheep to what is "cool" due to having so much in common
What is the disengagement perspective?: Forwards that decreased activity levels are normal, as are passive roles
Transition of power to younger
Release of elderly from expectations of being productive
What are some barriers to social contact in old age?: Retirement
Death of friends
No transportation
Ageism
What is the socio-emotional selectivity theory?: Our goals shift from intellectual (young) to emotional (old)
Love vs Like: We like friends
We feel as if we need our lovers, and would do anything for them
What are some styles of loving?: Eros (erotic) - Love at first sight, physical
Ludus - Uncommitted and fickle, many at once
Storge - Seek genuine friendship that leads to commitment
Mania - Obsessive stalker type
Agape - Giving, altruistic, and treats love as a duty
Pragma - Practical and pragmatic, logic governs
What is companionate love?: Spouse is best friend
Like spouse as a person
Friendship can also be confused with sexual arousal and passion

Passion based ---> marriage
Friendship based ---> marriage that lasts
What are Bartholomew's four?: Secure - Okay in relationship
Preoccupied - Needy and jealous, uneasy, and vigilant toward threats
Dismissing - Self-reliant and uninterested in closeness (to cool to be attached)
Fearful - Fear of rejection and mistrustful of others, may be shy
Why does romantic love fade?: Fantasy dissipates
Novelty disappears - novelty leads to sexual arousal
Arousal fades - the brain may habituate to high levels of natural stimulant
Explain love when we're older: We have longer relationships as we get older
More romantic relationships for those who have been married for a long while
Explain the "U" of romanticism: Short marriage=low romanticism
Middle time marriage=regular romanticism
Long marriage=high romanticism
What are the attachment styles?: Secure - More trusting
Anxious/Ambivalent - Clingy
Avoidant - Commitment phobic
What types of infidelity would be most upsetting for women?: Emotional
What types of infidelity are most upsetting for men?: Physical
What is the worst type of cheating?: Cheating in a long-term relationship
Women are less attracted to cheaters when they.....?: They have less money, and are not as prominent in society
Why might women prefer "dot-com" guy to "lottery" guy?: Because "dot-com" guys may actually have brains, while "lottery" guy just won his fortune
Who was more attractive, the "cookie" or the "house" and why?: Cookie, because she built a business, signaling brains
What is the triangular theory of love?: Intimacy Â– warmth, support, etc.
Passion Â– arousal and desire
Commitment Â– devoting oneself to a relationship
What are the types of love that triangular show?: Liking
Infatuation
Empty
Romantic
Companionate
Fatous
Consummate
What is wrong with these views of love?: These measures change over time.
These may seem like distinct types, but they donÂ’t usually fit nicely in real life.
This theory canÂ’t really explain why two types of the same love are different for individuals.
What is Misattribution?: We can attribute our arousal to the wrong source
What is excitation transfer?: A lot of arousal by one stimulus, a little by a second

We ignore stimulus #1.
We see #2 as the main source, which it is notÂ…
This can lead to fear fueling attraction
What is response facilitation?: Arousal is present
Our predominant response is energized
(An example is laughing when you are scared)

If arousal is not present, then these responses would not occur.
In any case, this is emotionally charged, ecstasy when youÂ’re loved in return, agony when youÂ’re not.
What is encoding, and what does it mean?: When you put a message together to send to someone
What is decoding and what does it mean?: When the person who is sent the encoded message must figure out what the message means
What is microexpression?: Authentic flashes of real emotion

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Number of cards 61