Intimate Relationships Exam 3

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Changes in vies of casual sex: *sex outside of marriage now...ok
not ok unless there is a committed relationship
*men are more permissive in sexual values than women.
Spouses and Sexual experience: *men prefer their spouse to be less sexually experienced, but not potential dating partners.
*women prefer dating and spouses to be less sexually experienced.
*women may see sexually experienced women as being judged harshly, but they do not endorse this belief themselves.
Attitudes on homosexuality: *96- 62% thought sex between same sex individuals was always/almost always wrong
*73-81% thought...
*many disapprove the "homosexual lifestyle"
*gay and lesbian relationships assumed to be dysfunctional and unhappy
*NOW, attitudes increasingly positive towards gays and lesbians.
What predicts when sexual activity will begin: *attitudes and values are best predictors of when sexual activity will begin
-adolescents who engage in sex:
>value independence and early autonomy
>usually more physically mature
>may have problems with self-restraint
>girls-not have a father present
>boys- have had a family shift from having to not having a father
Frequency of sex in couples, singles: *living together- 3 times a week
*married- 2 times a week
*singles- least of all (lack of partner)
what factors affect this?: *age
-older=sex less often
-"habituation" w/ same partner
*sexual orientation may matter
-gay couples have sex more often early in relationship than lesbian or heterosexual couples
-lesbians have sex less frequently than any other group
sociosexual orientation: *what individuals believe about having sex outside of a committed relationship
-restricted view- sex only in committed relationships
-unrestricted view- closeness not needed for engaging in sexual behavior
*sociosexual orientation=attitudes regarding sex and relationship
sexual satisfaction using exchange and equity theories: *closely tied to sexual frequency
-those happy with sex lives are happy with relationship in general
-"positive balance" needed to keep up marital happiness
*IEMSS(interpersonal exchange model of sexual satisfaction)
-uses rewards, costs, and comparison levels
-supported by research
*equity theory
-couples who feel their relationship is equitable also report more sexual satisfaction
-generally there was very little difference between equitable and slightly overbenefitting
how do we communicate desire?: *verbal and nonverbal
*nonverbal signals are the most often used
why might eliminating sexual aggression/violence be difficult?: *women are socialized to play "hard to get"
*men are socialized to see sex as a conquest
*embarrassment about talking about sex may lead to miscommunication
*power and violence are linked, and unlinking them is difficult, if not impossible
reasons why condoms, etc. might not be used by college students: *many people don't use condoms because they have a negative attitude about them: they may find condoms unpleasant or uncomfortable
*if a student believed that using a condom would be embarrassing or could somehow "spoil the mood," he or she was less likely to intend to use condoms in the future
*people often don't use condoms when they mix alcohol with sex.
-when a person gets drunk, he or she is much more likely to have sex without a condom.
*the illusion of unique vulnerability--believing that bad things happen to others, but not you
*negative reactions to sex-such as guilt, anxiety, and negative evaluations of sexual situations--are associated with failure to use contraceptives
How likely are affairs for males and females?: *quality of relationship is a predictor to whether or not someone has an affair
-generally, underbenefitted individuals have more extramarital affairs than do overbenefitters
>underbenefitters=9-11 years when affairs occurred
>overbenefitted=12-15
*men are more likely to have an affair, and have more outside partners
*25% of men and 15% of women reported engaging in an affair
sexual frequency among heterosexual, gay, and lesbian couples.: *gay couples have sex more often early in relationships than lesbian or heterosexual couples
-at ten years together, however, they have sex less often than heterosexual couples
*lesbians have sex less frequently than any other groups
What is shyness? what are the results of being shy? does it ever help?: *fretting about social disapproval and anticipate unfavorable judgments
-this results in interactions that are impoverished
-common in unfamiliar settings and meeting attractive individuals for first time.
-usually accompanied by low self-esteem and lower levels of social skills
-often leads to making negative impressions one hopes to avoid
*yes:
-novel situations when you don't know how to behave
>this may keep you from doing something inappropriate
*however, shyness is usually a problem that is unnecessary and counterproductive
why might jealousy have been looked upon as positive?: *in 50's and 60's jealousy was considered good (it showed love)
reactive vs. suspicious jealousy: *reactive jealousy
-occurs when someone becomes aware of an actual threat
-doesn't have to be a current event
>can be as serious as sex with someone else, or as simple as flirting
>66% of men and 50% of women say they have kissed and fondled someone else

*suspicious jealousy
-when a partner hasn't done anything wrong
-results in over vigilance and snooping
>may lead to paranoia or overactive imagination
those prone to jealousy: *those who are dependent on the relationship
*when feelings of inadequacy are high
*if one is more desirable than the other
*those who are preoccupied with a relationship
*individuals who promote sexual exclusivity (who want and expect their partners to be monogamous)
*traditional gender roles
What is deception? How is it different from lying?: *intentional behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows is false
-concealing information
-diverting attention from vital facts
-telling half-truths

*lying
-on average, we tell 2 lies a day
-only 5% of people tell no lies in a given week
-most common type of lie benefits the liar
-25% of lies are told to benefit others
-we tell fewer lies to our lovers and friends
deceiver's mistrust: *seeing the recipient of our lies as less trustworthy and less honest
*liar's think their lies are less offensive than their receiver does
*those who lie are more likely to be identified as the leader of a group
*people lying to attractive individuals are easy to detect
Recognize lying cues or "tells": *speaking hesitantly
*higher pitch voice
*grammatical errors
*pupils dilate
*blink more often
*microexpressions
*discrepancies between tone and facial expression
What are some effects of betrayal?: *relational devaluation- painful realization that our partners do not love, respect, or accept us as much as they used to, or as much as we thought they did
*betrayals are hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we did not expect such misbehavior.
*those who betray often, tend to be unhappy and maladjusted people who are resentful, vengeful, and suspicious of others
what makes a liar successful?: *liar's performance depends on the motivation with which he or she enacts the lie; people who really want to get away with a lie tend to be more transparent than they would be if the lie were less important.
*liars make more speech errors, speak in a higher pitch, and blink often.
*they often look sincere, however, and no single cue always indicates that a person is lying
*the global pattern of a person's body language and paralanguage--and discrepancies between the person's tone of voice and facial expression--usually indicate whether or not he or she is lying
what do we mean when we talk about the two sides of betrayal? (the betrayed and the betrayers differing points of view): *those who betray their intimate partners usually underestimate the harm they do
*betrayers often consider their behavior to be inconsequential and innocuous, and they are quick to describe mitigating circumstances that vindicate their actions
*93% of the time, they feel that a betrayal damages the partnership, leading to lower satisfaction and lingering suspicion and doubt.
*betrayals almost always have a negative, and sometimes lasting, effect on a relationship.
*they are the central complaint of spouses seeking therapy or a divorce.
two components of forgiving a betrayal: *victims who face up to a betrayal, reinterpret it positively, and rely on friends for support cope more constructively than do those who try to pretend it didn't happen and ignore their distress.
*women are more likely than men to respond constructively to betrayal
*forgiveness entails giving up one's right to retaliate for wrongdoing from others.
*it occurs more readily when the betrayers apologize for their actions and the victims are able to empathize with the offenders
*forgiveness is more likely to occur in close, committed relationships than in those that are less committed.
what traits may lead to jealousy?: *one who surpasses us in accomplishments we care about is especially galling
*a rival who is attractive to our partners is disturbing
*men and women experience more jealousy when they encounter rivals who are good at giving the other sex what it wants, but for women the threatening comparison is physical attractiveness, and for men it's dominance
What is power?: *A has something B wants, in order to get it, B will do what A wishes. A has the power.
*you only have to have access to resources to hold power
*desire for the resource sets the power level.
Types of Resources: *Reward:
-give or take away something partner likes
*Punishment
-do something they don't like or take away something liked
*Authority
-they recognize your authority to tell them what to do (police)
*Respect
-identify with you and want to remain close
*Expertise
-you have the understanding they desire
*Knowledge
-you possess some specific knowledge they desire
Where do men and women get power?: *Men and women gain power from different sources
-men are perceived to have greater power just by being men
-women who did not have intercourse with a partner reported more power than those who had
-men seem to have power based on wealth and status, women seem to have power based on love and sex
How can language show power?: *most visible sign of power
*Usually occurs in heterosexual relationships
*generally, men interrupt women
*women only dominate feminine topics
*speaking out may carry consequences
*assertive speakers seen as confident, competent
What power styles do men use? women?: *men
-coercion, authority
-expertise

*women
-personal power-appeals to affection or sexuality
-manipulative power-appeals based on helplessness
Power implementation vs. Orchestration What is the difference? why might this be important to consider in studying power?: *can influence outcomes of studies about power
*may underestimate women's power
*men and women don't usually agree on power in relationships anyway.
*female dominance is still less acceptable today
-carries over into other areas: who we date, what they look like, etc.
why would men and women respond positively to a masculine stereotype?: *this leads to happier couples
*does not apply to the female stereotype
*research is being done to see how couples view the female stereotype
When does the need for power lessen for men? What about for women?: *for men, the more education, the less need for power
-opposite for women
what are some of the outcomes of a male needing high levels of power?: *men with high power needs are more likely to
-have lower relationship satisfaction
-have lower love for partner
-have higher rates of problems in relationship
>this one applies to women needing high power, also
Recognize some communication dynamics: *Symmetrical interaction
-both partners send similar signals about relationship
*Competitive symmetry
-conflict between partners escalates
*Submissive symmetry
-partner gives power to the other
*Neutralized symmetry
-respect; try to avoid exerting control
*Complementary interaction
-partners each assume either dominant or submissive roles
Autonomic and Syncratic power patterns: *Autonomic
-each spouse has an area of expertise, choices are made by the expert
*Syncratic
-authority is shared, so are decisions
Violence in relationships: *violence
-an act carried out with the intention of, or an act perceived as having the intention of, physically hurting another person
*conflict tactics scale
-ranges from 1: threw something
-to 8: used gun or knife
Avoiding fights: *more avoided conflicts=less satisfaction
*fight avoidance "papers over" problems, preventing serious issues in the relationship from being confronted
Conflict with age: *younger=more conflict
-especially true for adolescents
Demands made by others (how do we deal with them?): **
types of conflict: *Tacit conflict
-avoid hurting other individual, avoid escalation
>most commonly used with friends
*Mock Conflict
-conflict just for the fun of it
*Deja vu
-same conflict over and over and over and over....
Attribution during conflict: *more active during conflict
*benign view of own stance (our side is good, and we have excuses for our own bad behavior)
*attributional conflict may arise
-this leads to conflict over motives
>instead of what they did, it becomes why they did
Demand/withdrawal patterns: *one partner approaches the other about a problem
-partner responds by avoiding the issue or the person
*this seems to work with N.A. and European couples
-60% women demand/men withdraw
-30% men demand/women withdraw
-10% equal response
Response category: *Exit
-actively destructive (threats, hitting)
*Voice
-constructively discussing or addressing problem
*Loyalty
-waiting for conditions to improve; defending partner
*Neglect
-avoiding critical issues, nagging partner
Who uses violence (with what effects?): *patriarchal terrorism
-result of patriarchal society
>man controls every aspect of what wife does
>abuse usually escalates over time
*Surprisingly
-women are more likely than men to use violent acts against their spouses
-the rate of difference was very small, however
Termination of relationships: *Separation
-one or both partners withdraw (parting shots are common)
*Domination
-one person gets what they want (usually more powerful)
*Compromise
-both agree to "give in" a little to meet in the middle ground
*Integrative agreement
-both partners get what they originally wanted

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