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The Haunted House Scapha Theater One Act Play

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Philematium: Scapha, quick, the mirror and my jewel box. I want to be all ready when my sweetheart comes.
It's the women who has to worry about her looks and her age that needs a mirror. But what do you need one for? You're a mirror of beauty yourself.
Philolaches: Scapha, I must reward a compliment as pretty as that. So today I'll give a special present--to Philematium

Philematium: Is everything in place? How's my hairdo? Is it attractive?
On an attractive girl like you, how could it help but be attractive?
Philolaches: Did you ever hear of anything worse than that old woman? All she could say before was no; now its nothing but yes.

Philematium: My powder, please.
What in the world do you want with powder!?
Philematium: For my cheeks
You might just as well try to make ivory shine by putting soot on it.
Philolaches: Make ivory shine with soot? That's not bad. Good for you, Scapha.

Philematium: Then give me my lipstick
No, I won't. You are a silly girl. What do you want to do? Mess up a beautiful work of art with some splashes of fresh paint? At your age you don't need any makeup--no rouge, no powder, none of that junk.
Philematium: All right, then, Take the mirror.

Philolaches: Oh, god, oh, god! She's kissed the mirror! If I only had a stone to smash that thing into bits!
(handing her a towel)

Now take this towel and wipe you hands
Philematium: what for?
You held the mirror. I'm afraid your hand'll smell of the silver. We don't want Philolaches to suspect that silver's ever crossed your palm.
Philolaches: I don't know where I've ever seen a wiser old bawd than that filthy-minded hag. That's a pretty good idea she had about the mirror.

Philematium: Don't you think I need some perfume?
Absolutely not
Philematium: Why?
Because the right smell for a woman is no smell at all. You know those patched-up, toothless old crones who drench themselves with perfume and cover up their ugly spots with makeup? Well, once seat starts mixing in with all that, thye begin to smell like some sauce a cook's concocted: you don't know what the smell is from, but you do know it's pretty bad.
Philolaches:.....you fellows with old hags at home who bought you with their dowries

Philematium: Look at my jewelry and my dress. Are they becoming?
I dont have to bother about them.
....
....
Philolaches: Get inside and take all this stuff with you.
(take toilet articles and leave)

Deck Info

11

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