Intimate Relationships 2

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The degree to which others consider their relationships with us to be valuableâ€”maximal inclusion to maximal exclusion: Relational Evaluation
apparent decreases in othersâ€™ regard for us: Relational devaluation
people given the â€œcold shoulderâ€ and ignoredâ€”silent treatment intentionallyâ€”often leaves the other confusedâ€”often become defensive: Ostracism
hurt, anger, and fearâ€”perceve others donâ€™t value us enough to honor our commitmentsâ€”fear and anxiety result from thought of abandonment: Jealousy
someone becomes aware of an actual threat to a valued relationship: Reactive jealousy
One's partner hasn't misbehaved and one's suspicions do not fit the facts: Suspicious Jealousy
Precursor of jealousy in a relationships: Dependance, adjustment styles, personality traits, sexual exclusivity, traditional gender roles
Who would wife be jealous of?: A prettier woman/emotional infidelity
Who would man be jealous of?: A resourceful man/sexual infidelity
how do women respond to a rival's interference?: seeking to improve the relationship
How do men respond to a rival's interference?: Protect their egos
Who is more likely to try to get their partner jealous? Does it work?: Woman; no
intentional behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows is false: deception
most common type of lie: benefits the liar, wards off embarrassment, guilt, or inconvenience, or seeks approval or material gain
what percent of lies are given to protect others?: 25%
who do we make the biggest lies to? But not necessarily the most lies to?: intimate relationships
people lie to others and begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest: deceiver's distrust
what attachment style and personality goes more with lying: all styles except secure, but mostly the insecure attachment and out-going
assuming that the partner is usually telling the truth: truth bias
who detects deception better?: women
who has more of a truth bias?: women
disagreeable, hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we reasonably did not expect such treachery: betrayal
lying most common among which age and race?: younger, less educated, white
who is most likely to lie in romantic partner and business associate?: men
who is most likely to lie to friends and family?: women
decision to give up your perceived or actual rights to get even with someone who's wronged you: forgiveness
what attachment style is more forgiving?: secure
two important ingredients in forgiveness: apology and empathy
ability to influence the behavior of others and resist their influence on us: social power
person who has less interest in continuing and maintaining the relationships has more power: principle of lesser inerest
two broad types of power control: fate control and behavior control
person's ability to bestow various rewards and punishments on someone: reward and coercion power
partners believe that we have a reasonable right to tell them what to do: legitimate power
partner adores us and wants to do what we want because they feel connected: referent power
partners recognize our superior knowledge nad experience and are influenced by us: expert power
specific pieces of info we have that influence our partners' behavior: informational power
who interrupts more?: men
one person's motives, goals, beliefs, opinions, or behavior interfere with those of another: interpersonal conflict
what personality experiences more conflict?: neuroticism who worry a lot and are impulsive
What attachment style is more conflicting?: anxious
at what stage of life does one have the most conflict?: teenagers/mid-adolescence
four events that cause conflicts: criticism, illegitimate demands, rebuffs, cumulative annoyances
verbal or nonverbal acts that are perceived as demeaning: criticism
requests that seem unjust: illegitimate demands
one person appeals to another for a desired reaction, and the other person fails to respond as expected: rebuffs
who becomes angry by those who want sex sooner?: women
who becomes angry by those who delay sex?: men
fighting over whose explaination is right and whose account is wrong: atributional conflict
guarentee that partners will have slightly different explanations for their actions than anyone else: actor-observer effects
judge their own actions more favorably than others do: self-serving bias
both partners wish to evade the issue: avoidance
seek to resolve conflict through rational problem-solving: negotiation
conflict heats up: escalation
who is more demanding and who is more withdrawing?: women; men
who is more likely to press for desired change in a relationship?: women
waiting for conditions to improve in passive but constructive manner--passive-constructive: loyalty
active behavior rying to solve the problem or obtaining advice from a friend--active-constructive: voice
passive but destructive manner by avoiding discussion--passive-destructive: neglect
leaving the partner or threatening to end the relationships--active-destructive: exit
ability to remain constructive in the face of a lover's temporary disregard: accommodation
frequent passionate arguments: volatile
fight more politely: validators
rarely argue: avoiders
couples who fail to maintain a 5 to 1 ratio of nice to nasty behavior: hostile
partners withdraw without resolving the conflict: separation
one partner gets his or her way when the other capitulates: domination
both parties reduce their aspirations so that a mutuality acceptable alternative can be found: compromise
satisfy both goals and aspirations through creativity and flexibility: integrative agreements
both get what they want and learn and grow and make changes in their relationships (good ones): structural improvement
this scale describes use of psychological and physical aggression by responding with "I...": conflict tactics scale
assault rates are higher for what two races?: American Indians and African
Americans
most familial type of violence which erupts from heated conflicts that get out of hand: situational couple violence
one partner uses violence as a tool to control or oppress: intimate terrorism
both partners try to subjugate the other in a situation that could be viewed as two intimate terrorists battling for control: mutual violent control
a partner forcibly fights back against intimate terrorism: violent resistance
how likely are women to initiate violence in comparison to men?: the same
how do women show violence?: towards things/objects/kick/bite
how do men show violence?: throw knives, chock/strangle, beat up
what percent of people have experienced shyness?: 80%
syndrome that combines social reticence and inhibited interactive behavior with nervous discomfort in social settings: shyness
experience shyness frequently: chronically shy
what do chronically shy people fear?: negative evaluation from others, poor self-regard, lower social skills
what volume of music makes shy people the same as not-shy people?: loud music
lack social network of friends and acquaintances: social isolation
lonely because they lack a single intense relationship: emotional isolation
model of loneliness developed by perlman and Peplau holding both personal predispositions and adverse situations contribute to shyness: discrepancy model
what word should you never use in determining somone's loneliness?: lonely
what countries most report feelings of loneliness? who is the least?: italians and japanese; danes
what social class is mostlikely to be lonely?: homeless
is loneliness genetic?: yes
does past/present family life influence ?loneliness?: yes!!yes
can young people be lonely?: yes
what age is most likely to be lonely?: adolescents and young adults
wanting something somebody else has: envy
had a rival and you lost: fait accompli
more jealousy in which ethnicity?: Middle East; because very "one person only"
which ethnicity least jealous?: african/nordic
when bird sits on nest of another bird's eggs/tricking someone else into parenting: cokolding
what is the sequence of jealousy?: cognative appraisal, rapid stress response, reappraisal, and resolution
having an effect on someone: influence
having an influence over a wide range of areas: dominence
taking influence to a greater degree--subverting someone else's free will: control
legitimate power: societal
ability to reward/punish others: operant power
ability to be an expert or have more info--male power: cognative power
power in how respected you are--woman power: affective power
deliberately making a false statement: lie
subtle form of lying--confuse the issue to evade the truth: prevarication
use ambiguity to mislead: equivocation
make up false story: fabrication
unimportant lie: fib
parents with high love and high discipline: authoritative
parents with high love and low discipline: permissive indulgent
parents with low love and high discipline: authoritarian
parents with low love and low discipline: permissive indifferent
lie to ake the other feel better: benign
are stories longer or shorter when lying?: longer
subtle first impressions when lying: microexpressions
when population grows faster than resources allow, then you get compettition: malthusian
two great choices: approach-approach
something good and something bad in your choice: approach-avoidant
no good in the choice: avoidance-avoidance
two choices, something good and bad in both: double approach-avoidance
key to conflict in age: maturity
key to conflict in divisive issues: similarity
key to conflict in affect: not negative affect
concern with others verses concern with self--who made this model: baron
activity level vs. harm level: rusbalt
conflict degree vs. engagement degree--who made?: gottman
high affect, high engagement: volatile
high affect, low engagement: hostile
low affect, high engagement: validators
low affect, low engagement: avoidance
personal constructive tequniques for conflict resolution: REF (Respect, empathy, forgiveness)
one party gives up something: conciliation
come up with solution satisfying eveyrone: integrative agreement
make something more important than the conflict itself: superordinate goal
complain-->contemp-->defensive-->stonewall: Gottman's cascade model
denial-->anger-->bargaining-->depresssion-->acceptance: kubler-ross termination model
love but not loved back and don't care: unrequited love
3 C's to getting over loneliness: contact, companionship, communication
likelihood of forgiveness: dispositional
likeliness of forgiveness by what was done: offense-specific
break moral code when forgiving: harm to victim
let yourself down/break standards: harm to self
two ways to forgive circumstance: spiritual/natural
experiencing the pain, realizing need to get over it, change perception of the offencer, forgive: enright's model fo forgiveness
REACH--recall, empathize, altruism, committment, and hold on: worthington's model

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