FSW 361 exam 2 relationships
Terms
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- social exchange theory (aka ____) started in ___ and ___ in the late ____. ___ began using it at the end of the ___
- interdependency theory, sociology, social psyche, 50s, family studies, 60s
- by the end of the 70s, ____ was one of the most used theories in family studies. __ and ___ were important figures. It could be used on a macro (__) or micro (__) level
- social exchange theory, Thibeaut, Kelley, cultural level, moment to moment interaction
- Social exchange theory helps us look at 3 things:
-
1. how relationships develop
2. how relationships are experienced
3. what mediates stability in relationships (stability is NOT happiness) - ___ and ___ play a key role in social exchange theory
- expectations and perceptions
- 3 parts of social exchange theory:
- Rewards - costs = profits
- assumptions in social exhange theory (4)
-
1. we seek rewards and avoid costs
2. if there is no reward, we chose the least costly option
3. analysis of profit is unique to situation, time period, and perceptions
4. We will chose an alternative to our present situation if we perceive it to be more rewarding - standards and ____ basically mean the same thing in exchange theory
- expectations
-
name some general rewards:
name some specific rewards: -
-statuses, relationships, interactions, experiences, feelings
-love, status, services, goods, info, $$$ - name some things that could be costs or rewards:
-
-social approval, security, predictability, personal attraction, respect, power, autonomy
-any reward can be perceived as a cost - -____ is anything you don't like. It is ____ forgone. Name 3
- -cost, rewards, $$, time, relationship
- Name 4 things each person brings into a relationship:
-
1. resources (costs and rewards)
2. views about what constitutes a reward and cost
3. expectations for the relationship
4. perceptions of alternatives - the goal is to obtain the most favorable ____ possible, which is based on a persons _____.
- outcome, expectations
- ____ is the standard by which you judge the rewards and costs of a relationship in terms of what you think you deserve
- comparison level (CL)
- comparison level is affected by 3 things
-
1. past experience
2. look at people in similar relationships
3. societal norms - if ___ exceeds ___, you are satistfied
- outcome, control level
- ____ is a look at all options outside a relationship....you won't do anything until outside options look better
- CL alternative
-
-in ___, you have a happy stable relationship.
-your ___ exceeds ___, and ___ is above ____
-should be highly satisfied with relationship, fairly dependent -
-attractive stability
-outcome, CL, CL, CLalt
-Outcome-->CL->CLalt -
-in ____, you are happy but unstable relationship.
-___ exceeds ____, but ___ exceeds both.
-win win
-not as dependent on relationship -
-attractive instability
-outcome, CL, CLalt
-CLalt-->outcome-->CL -
-In ___, you are unhappy but stable.
-____ is below ___, but ___ is above ___
-fairly dependent -
-unattractive instability
-outcome, CL, CL, CLalt
-CL-->Outcome-->CLalt -
-In ___, you are unhappy and unstable
-__ is below both, and ___ is above ___ -
-unattractive instability
-outcome, CLalt, CL
-CLalt-->CL-->outcome - the principle of exchange theory applies to both ___ and ___ relationships, but ___ relationships are more flexible and take into consideration "development over time"
- exchange, communal, communal
- one of the main differences seen in exchange from communal:
- you monitor other person's needs if you have something to gain
- if you don't feel bad if you refuse to help the other person, then it is a ____ relationship
- exchange
- _____ usually applies to romantic relationships
- communal
- the ____ ___ theory states that I gain profits that are proportioned to my contributions. If over benefited, result is ___. If underbenefited, result is ___.
- proportional justice, guilt, unhappy
-
Group #1: song? What about?
Group #2: song? What about? -
1. wake up older, about loneliness
2. burn, contemplating break up....exchange theory....unattractive instability -
-securely attached %
-avoidant %
-anxious ambivalent % -
-65%
-15-25%
-15-25% -
-__ and __ (1987) were the first to apply attachment typology to adults
-they found _____ distribution -
-Hazen and Shaver
-same - Tidwell, Reis, Shaver (1996) found that securely attached adults had more __, more __, and more ____. anxious avoidant were similar to secure but increased in ____. Avoidant cited more ____, and ____ social interations to create less closeness
- enjoyment, intimacy, positive emotions. changeability in emotions. negative emotions, structured.
-
Barthalomew (1990) came up with:
1. ____, like others, like themselves
2. ____ same as anxious/ambivalent. Named this way to reflect a persons dependence on others approval to feel good
3. _____- (old one)...want relationship but are wary. -
1. secure
2. preoccupied
3. fearful avoidant
4. dismissing avoidant - check out chart in notes
- check out chart in notes
- you can change your attachment pattern via ____
- new healthy relationship experiences
- what are the 3 primary love styles?
-
1. eros (intense emotional attachment and physical desire...love at first site....romeo and juliet)
2. ludus (recreational, game playing, uncommitted game....ex: sex and the city)
3. storge (friendship: love based on friendship) - love style that is a combination of storge and ludus (practical)
- pragma
- love style that is a combination of eros and storge (altruism)
- agape
- love style that is a combination of eros and ludus (obsession)
- mania
-
-group #3: song? what about?
-group #4: song? what about? -
-I can't sleep baby, mania
-better man, unattractive stability - 3 ideas about why we have sex:
-
1. procreation- sex is means to something
2. recreation- sex is an end to itself
3. relational orientation- enjoy sex but its meaningful expression w/in relationship (sex is a means and an end) - a general orientation towards sex as either requiring committment or not
- sociosexuality
- the extent to which a person holds a set of beliefs that lead them to be more comfortable having nonmonogomous sexual experiences
- sociosexual orientation
-
Seal et al. (1995)
-sutdents who entered the drawing.....restricted _%, unrestricted _% - 4%, 36%
-
sex before marriage always wrong:
1972- __%
1996- __%
but has to be in committed relationship. Cant be with multiple partners -
-46%
-32% - ____ with ___ ___ is the belief that sexual activity among people who aren't married is acceptable, as long as the relationship is committed
- permissivenss with affection standard
- average age for premarital sex for males __ females __
- 16, 17
- virginity rates are ___. between 1991 and 1997, rates rose ___%
- rising, 11%
-
-why are men's rates of virginity increasing?
-why are women's rates of virginity increasing? -
-feel insecure and inadequate
-fear the consequences - what are 3 internal reasons for deciding to have sex? 2 external reasons?
-
1. express love and affection
2. curious
3. want physical pleasure
1. peer pressure -->conform, social recognition
2. please partner - 2 things that will most likely get a person to have sex?
-
1. more likely if they view dating as an important part of life
2. express a strong desire for a partner - the importance of dating is connected to 3 things:
-
1. social confidence (you know you're popular and you know you're attracted to opposite sex)
2. personal confidence (have positive accepting view of self)
3. have stress in life (stressful physical or family related events) - women want men who are not sexually permissive in ____. Men want women who are not sexuall permissive in ___
- -dating and marriage, marriage
- _____ men are the most likely to have an affair
- conservative
-
1. __% of 13-14 year olds are sexually active
2. __% of 15-16 year olds are sexually active
3. ___% of teens have been with someone intimately
4. __ of 13-17 have had oral sex
5. __% of sexually active teens have had oral sex to avoid -
1. 14
2. 41
3. 27
4. 1/8
5. 40%
6. 68% -
1. __ in 10 teens with oral sex used condoms
2. ___% of teens said oral sex is sex
3. __% of teens say its important to be in love before oral sex
4. about __ of teens have had sexual stuff with no emotion
5. __ of 10 teens 13-16 are -
1. 3
2. 77%
3. 85%
4. 1/2
5. 7
6. 88% -
1. ___% of teens say there is pressure to have sex
2. __% of parents talk to kids about sex
3. ___% of teens talk to parents -
1. 66%
2. 85%
3. 44% -
-Group #5: Song? About what?
-Group #6: Song? About what? -
-How do I live? Mania
-You'll think of me, loneliness - name the 4 horsemen
-
1. criticism
2. contempt
3. defensiveness
4. stonewalling - attacking someones character or personality rather than a specific behavior....make negative judgments or evaluations about your partner
- criticism
-
intend to insult and psychologically abuse partner
(put downs, mocking, hostile jokes, facila expressions, name-calling)....very destructive - contempt
- prepare to defend oneself against "presumed attack"
- defevenessnsi
- stop communication, refusal to respond, may leave the room, don't react to partner's complaint
- stonewalling
- ___ is when stress of conflict raises BP, heart rate, and adrenaline. __% of stonewalling occurred in men as result of this
- flooding, 85%
- ____ can be broken down into BIDS
- communication
- ____ is anything you do to connect to someone else
- BID
-
-Examples of BIDs
-the content of a BID may involve: -
-question, gesture, look, touch, statement w/ comment
-thoughts, observations, initiations, feelings, opinions - BIDs can often be non-verbal:
-
1. affectionate touching
2. facial expressions
3. playful touching
4. affiliating gestures (opening door, handing something)
5. vocalizing (laughing) -
% of spouses who disregard their spouses BIDs:
1. men headed for divorce
2. men in stable marriage
3. women headed for D
4. women in stable M -
1. 82%
2. 19%
3. 50%
4. 14% -
Typical dinner hour conversation-BIDS extended to spouse:
1. couples headed for divorce __ BIDs in 10 minutes
2. couples in stable marriage __ BIDs in 10 min -
1. 65
2. 100 -
RE-BIDs:
1. stable marriage __%
2. headed for divorce __% -
1. 20%
2. hardly at all - ____ ____ ____ is a term used when a postive bid and a positive response are added together
- emotional piggy bank
- couples with a high rate of positive exchange exhibit the following during arguments:
-
more humor
more affection
more interest
more respect -
-When people are insensitive to BIDS, they often don't see them as ____
-Characteristics of people who are often insensitive to BIDs -
-important
-often lonely, often surprised and greatly disappointed at deterioration of relationship, often have conflict in relationships, like "ping-pong" -
-___ can strengthen or weaken a relationship.
-a ____ response will continue interaction and both parties will continue to extend BIDs.
-a ____ response shuts down communication -
-BIDs
-positive
-negative - over time, BIDs grow in ___ and ___
- intensity and frequency
- 3 responses you can have to a BID:
-
1. turn toward
2. turn away
3. turn against -
-if you chose to turn toward, then over time, a ____ ___ relationship will develop
-if you turn away, you generally ____ the person, and over time this is destructive
-If you turn against, it involves ___ or ____, characterized as ____, leads t -
-positive stable
-ignore
-sarcasm, ridicule, argumentative, divorce
-4 horsemen -
-During what ages does the blueprint (love map) for our long-term partner gel?
-What is the importance of symmetry in facial features? -
-between 3-8
-more attractive, more sex partners - what are the 3 stages of love?
-
1. lust
2. infatuation (as much as 85% of waking hours)
3. attachment - how are we programmed biologically?
- to spread seed but to bond to one partner
- what are the stats for life-long monogamy?
- 25% humans, 3% animals
- more likely to cheat, ratio
- men, 2:1
- what brain chemical dictates our drive to stay or stray? why is this significant?
- oxytocin, tendency to cheat could be passed on
-
-how long were couples married on average before divorce?
-How many couples marry each year in the US? -
-4 years
-3 million - 2 purposes for marriage ceremony:
-
1. mark end of courtship and beginning of family
2. marks point where couple's desire and interest of society converge - Historically, why do we marry?
- money or politics, social capital
- arranged marriages are the norm in ___ of countries
- 1/2
- what are advantages of arranged marriages?
- love develops after marriage, duty, responsiblity, family support, no dating...no face to put on
- How do couples stay together...2 things....
-
1. passion over time is an illusion
2. liking each other - what are the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse?
-
1. criticism
2. contempt
3. defensiveness
4. withdrawal (stonewalling)...low heart and sweat rate - what factors do not predict divorce?
- fighting and anger...but no contempt
- what is the goal of couples therapy?
- to come to terms with unresolvable issues
- if we want intimate relationships to last, what do we need to do?
- be nice, 5:1