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Glossary of Funeral Parlor, (built for marcus)

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Created by JacobJTeel

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First Line
Susan, I'm so sorry. My deepest condolences.
Yes thank you .....
Marcus
yes, Marcus. Thanks you for coming.
We'll all miss him terribly
Yes. it's a great loss
We'll all miss him.
Marcus:We'll all miss him
Susan: Yes
Marcus:You must feel terrible.
well I dont feel good. It was a terrible shock.
Death is always a shock. You're sitting home doing nothing , and then suddenly death goes "Boo!". and somebody falls down dead.
Marcus: falls down dead.
Susan: yes
What were his last words? were they "Boo"?
What? Boo? no. he didnt really have any last words.
Did he make any last noises?
Noises? what?
Guttural sorts of noises? Or high pitched shrieking ones? Eeeeek1 Eeeeeek! Awoooga! awoooga!
Just noises I dont know, They were lower than that. Don't do that anymore.
Oh, susan, you poor poor thing. I wouldn't wait if I were you, I'm going to be a while. All alone in the house now. Amone in the kitchen, alone in the diningroom. Alone in the livingroom- living room, that's a mocking phrase now isn't it? Alone,alone,alone. All alone. Alone alone alone.
Please, dont go on.
Yes but you have to mourn, Susan, to mourn.I always thought the Irish were right to do all that Keening. Do you want to keen susan?
Marcus: Do you want to keen susan?
Susan: Not really, thank you anyway.
How about a negro spiritual?
Marcus:How about a negro spiritual?
Susan: I dont think so.
Swing low, sweet chariot, Comin for to carry me home
Marcus: Swing low, sweet chariot, Comin for to carry me home
Susan: Thank you for coming.
Dont you want to sing?
I dont want to keen, or sing. I'm an episcopalian. I'll cry quitely in my room later this evening. Now I must attend to the other mourners.
Susan, you're avoiding the sadness. I can't let you do that.
Please, please let me do that. It's been a terrible day. I have to bury my husband.
Is he in the casket? It's a closed casket, he's not actually in some other room, propped up in some stuffed chair or other, waiting there to startle somebody is he?
Marcus: waiting there to startle somebody is he?
Susan: Certainly not. Thank you so much for coming.
That would give someone quite the fright. They'd be standing by this chair making conversation and then realize they were talking to him, only he was stark, stone dead! Ahahahaha, that would be a good one.
Yes, very good. Oh., David!
I'm going to miss him too you know.
Ah, how nice. Or rather, how sad. Well, time heal everything.
You're not the only one
You're not the only one
Susan: what?
I should say Not. We're going to miss him on the commuter train. We used to exchange morning pleasentries. "Nice morning", or "Cold enough for you?", or "the train seems to be on time today for a change"
I see. Excuse me, I think the mortician is signaling me.
You know, your husband was the only person on that whole damn train who was even willing to speak to me.
How interesting.
The other people would get panic in their eyes if I even started to walk in their direction, and they'd move away or pretend to be sleeping. But they didn't fool me, I'm no dope, YOU CANT SLEEP STANDING UP
Well, if you're tired enough maybe you can.
Your husband though, was very friendly to me. Not like my father. Nowadays my father wont even return my phone calls, I went to a seance and everything.
Marcus: seance and everything
Susan: What?
Well he's dead, but I have this medium friend who gave me this special 800 number that let's you call the dead. Maybe you'd like the number to try to reach your husband on the other side.
I dont think so. well, que sera sera. Ah me. Lah dee dah. Well thank you so much for coming.
Well you're welcome. I just feel so terrible about your husband being gone, and I dont know what I'm going to do on the train in the morning.
yes well- why dont you read a book?
That's an idea, do you have any suggestions?
Oh my, I dont know. The thorn birds, great expectations. Any book, I dont care.
My favorite book is Babar the elephant.
Marcus: babar the elephanet
Susan: Yes, that is excellent.
Have you read it?
No but I hear wonderful things. Ah me. My,My. Well, thank you for coming. Good-bye.
Are you leaving?
No, Im not leaving. I want You to leave, you're making me hysterical. Can't you take a hint? When I say, "Thank you for coming," that's code for "go away now". Dont you understand that?
Oh. I'm sorry. I thought it just meant "thank you for coming." I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I.....ids there anything else you've said in code that I havn't understood?
No. Nothing. I dont think so.
Oh good.
It's just....well....Oh dear, now I feel terribly guilty about having expressed my emotions.
Oh don't feel guilty about expressing emotions. Thats a Good thing to do. You've had a terrible loss.
Marcus: You've had a terrible loss.
susan: Yes, I have
Are you sure you don't want to keen yet? Im not irish but I think its a very appropriate thing to do at a wake.
Oh I don't know, maybe another time.
This would be the most likely time.
Well, I dont know. What does keening sound like exactly?
Oh it's real intresting, it's sort of like this , whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooo
Please, stop staring. Go back to your conversational buzz.
Did I do something wrong again?
well it was a very startling sound
It's just like crying, but more dramatic,. I love to cry. You loved your husband didn't you?
Marcus:You loved your husband didn't you?
Susan: Yes
Well then, dont you want to keen just a little?
well I see your point a little but..I don't know that I really could.
You could do it softer than I did.
Marcus: You could do it softer than I did.
Susan: I dont think so
Oh please, I'm sure it would make you feel better.
Would it? ohhhhh,,...this is difficult to do in public. Couldn't I call you later this evening and do it on the phone?
No, it's much more healing to keen at the funeral, you shouldn't do it on the phone.
Marcus: you shouldn't do it on the phone.
Susan: Oh , I dont know
Come on, It'll help.
ooooooooo 1
That's good
OOOOO 3
That's good awwwwwaaaaaaaooooooooooooooowwwwwooooaaaaa..............(then again together)
(Done moaning)
There, That's better.
Thank you soo much for coming. No , no, not code. thank you, I feel much better.
Oh good, You're welcome.

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