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Glossary of CMST 211 test 3

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transgression
when people violate implicit or explicit relation rules (being faithful, honest, loyal, etc)
devaluation
when someone makes their partner feel unappreciated and unimportant. \"i\'m not surprised you failed, you\'re not that good of a student.\"
emotional infedelity
emotional involvement with another person, which leads one\'s partner to channel \"emotional resources such as romantic love, time and attention to someone else.\"
sexual infidelity
sexual activity with someone other than one\'s long term partner
jealousy
jealousy occurs when people worry they might lose something they value due to interference from a 3rd party.
envy
occours when someone wants something valueable someone else has (money, better life, etc)
postive ways to manage jealousy
?
types of deception: deception
intentionally managing verbal or nonverbal messages so that a receiver will believe something that the sender knows is false
types of deception: equivocation
saying something indirect or ambiguous. (wow, your hair is just the latest fashion! when you hate it)
types of deception: concealment
omitting information you know is important and relevant to a given context.
types of deception: exaggeration
streatching the truth a little to make yourself look better or to make a story more interesting
types of deception: understatement
downplaying aspects of the truth
top 3 types of hurtful messages
evaluation:this relationship was a waste of my time

accusation: you are a selfish and rude person!

informative statement: i only dated you because i was on the rebound.



responses to hurtful messages
active verbal response: confronting the person\'s hurtful remarks.

acquiescent response: giving in and acknowledging the person\'s ability to hurt you.

invunerable response: laugh it off, act like it doesn\'t hurt.



remedial strategies for the transgressor
apologize, appeasment (i\'ll make it up to you!), explaination, denial, aviodance, and relationship talk.
conflict
a disagreement between two interdependant people who percieve they don\'t have the same goals.
conflict styles: competitive fighting
attempting to achieve a win-lose scenario when they win and their partner loses, haha.
conflict styles: collaborating
when they consider each others goals and opinions
conflict style: compromising
searching for a fair, itermediate position that makes both sides happy
conflict styles: yielding
when you give in to what your partner wants
conflict styles: avoiding
refraining from arguing or confronting their partner in any way.
conflict styles: indirect fighting
failing to acknowledge partner\'s concerns or ignoring them.
negative reciprocity
when one person becomes agressive in a fight, the other person is more likely to as well.
demand-withdrawal theory:
when one person wants to engage in conflict and the other person wants to avoid it.
punctuation
each partner sees it differently (i nag because you withdrawal.... i withdrew because you always nagged)
four horsemen of the apocalypse
complaining/criticizing:you\'re so loud in the morning!

contempt/disgust: no i wasn\'t, you\'re just overly sensitive.

defensiveness: you don\'t care about me at all!

stonewalling: i\'m done talking about this.





3 explanations of conflict patters
emotional flooding

attributions

communication skills deficits





4 reasons relationships end
infidelity
loss of love
incompatibility
alcohol and drugs
growing apart



ducks 5 phases of relationship termination
intrapsychic process
dyadic process
social processes
grave dressing process
resurrection process





knapps reversal hypothesis
differentiating
circumscribing
stagnating
avoiding
terminating



catastrophe theory
this theory says that relationships don\'t end just by going through steps, that some breakups skip steps and that relationships end like sudden death
negative emotions that come from breakups
loneliness, financial consequences, effects on children, health consequences
positive emotions from breakups
personal growth, relief, increased self confidence, learned new communications, concentrating more on school/work, knowing what you now want out of a partner

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